2 cups flour (whole wheat or unbleached flour or a combination)
1 1/2 cups oats (processed in the blender to a powder like consistency)
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons sugar
1 1/2 tablespoon cinnamon

Combine above ingredients

In blender add 2 cups zuchinni, 4-5 bananas, and two eggs – process until no chunks and liquid consistency.  In another bowl add blender contents plus 2 cups milk, 2 tablespoons oil (canola or olive).  Mix and add to the dry ingredients.  Mix until just blended.  Cook on hot skillet or griddle.  No need on ours to add butter.

Peel, core and slice three apples in saucepan add apples, 1/4 cup water, 5 tablespoons sugar and several dashes of cinnammon.  Heat to boil and cover and cook about 5-10 minutes until apples are soft.  Remove lid and allow in excess liquid to reduce.

Chop up some almonds and in a hot skillet add almonds and 1-2 tablespoons sugar and cook stirring constantly until roasted and sugar has carmelized.

Top pancakes with apples and some almonds – no butter or syrup.

The (soon to be) Big Brothers

…Coming Dec 26, 2009 (ish)

We had witch switch with the Halloween candy this year.  The boys decided to put it out in front of their doors at night and the witch switched the candy for a toy (which in our case were clearanced Halloween costumes).  Corbin was very freaked out when we first started talking about the switch witch.  He didn’t want a witch coming into his house hanging outside of his bedroom while he was sleeping so he came up with the idea that she is actually more like a fairy and uses her magic wand from afar to switch the candy for a toy – she doesn’t come into the house b/c she is magic.  He needed a bit of reassurance that this is how things worked.  In the morning they came in the room and Teller was cuddling with me giving me hugs and I asked if he found his treasure and he said “I found my treasure, your my treasure mommy.”  He hadn’t seen the costumes yet – somehow he walked over them.

Corbin asked me is he could have a baby sister/brother for his birthday and if not for his could they have one for Teller’s birthday.  It made me sad b/c if we had gotten pregnant this month it would have been a July baby so a Corbin’s birthday baby – but alas that was not to be the case. I let him know that we are not having a baby right now and he slyly looked at me and said, “But there is a baby growing in your uterus”.  When I told him there wasn’t he asked why I couldn’t just go to the doctor and have them put that jelly stuff on my belly and look in to see.  I explained a little about a women’s menses and how that lets her know a baby is growing and that I would be the first to know.  Besides my cycle nowadays is medically recorded and I could never oops just find myself pregnant.  I fantasize about being the kind of woman that wakes up one morning thinking golly gee I don’t think I’ve had my period in weeks and weeks and lo and behold turns up 8 or 9 weeks along before she realizes it.  I have friends like this, enough said.

Teller has been potty trained, in underwear with hardly any accidents for weeks sometimes months at a time, about 3 times now.  He has regressed each time back into diapers but I feel he is fully aware and capable of using the potty but for some reason this is something he is controlling.  Each big adjustment (preschool, move, travel) he went backwards.  So, Teller is not potty trains although he will use the potty (poop and pee) throughout the day somedays.  Last week he had an upset tummy and got a bad case of diaper rash.   One morning I woke up and Teller was sleeping next to us with a dirty diaper so I started to change him and needed more wipes so I woke up James.  “Please get me more wipes from downstairs sweetie”.  He started down the stairs and Teller yelled after him, “Daddy, grab the diaper cream too, I’m going to need some”.  Okay…..perhaps it’s a sign he is very ready if he can make requests during a diaper change.  We are trying but quite honestly I’ve dissolved to complete bribery and very little effort.  “Teller, if you choose to potty train you get to wear comfy underwear, go to Chuckie Cheese’s (my kids think the place is Disney World after going there for a birthday party), and I’ll take you to the big movie theater.”  It’s currently not working.

Corbin will still cuddle at times but he seems to always be thinking about the next thing, how cool it is going to be, or how to figure something out.  He doesn’t just cuddle, he plans too.  When he wakes up in the morning he won’t come into our room instead he relaxes in his own bed nowadays….I miss him climbing into bed.  He is taking swim lessons and loving it.  His teacher sends home optional work that Corbin works on meticulously until it is done.  He loves the structure in school, the friends, playdates, fieldtrips.  He is eating it up.

I teach for the local athletic club and so the boys take lessons there too.  Corbin is working on kicks and Teller is working on being comfortable with submerging his face in the water.

I regularly go on hikes while the boys are in school but I really have to hustle to get back in time for pick ups.

James and I are still dealing with secondary infertility and it is a huge drain financially and emotionally.  This month seemed promising.  I took a drug called letrazole, my lining was a whooping 10.2mm (I’ve had linings mostly in the less then 2mm range),  I had two follicles (16.2mm and 22mm), took an HCG trigger shot, had an IUI with 12 million healthy motile sperm, and then luteal phase HCG shots for support of my lining.  Again I got my hopes up but it was another negative.  27 months trying and nothing.  Its hard to watch many of the people around me get pregnant, have a baby, and get pregnant again all while I can’t even do it once.  I’m happy for them bitter for me.  I want to keep trying but without all the baggage.  argh.  We are doing the same protocol next month.  I think we will move onto injectables if that doesn’t work.

Corbin would love to be in gymnastics class here.  We took a sample class and he loved it but it is so pricey that I can’t do it – but wish I could.  The same goes for ski lessons.  Then I feel really horrible because we are choosing to spend too much $$ on this maybe baby we want but not gymnastics or skiing.  Am I going to look back and regret this time I’ve spent on trying to grow our family.  Am I going to resent it – probably I will if we don’t become successful and probably I will even if we do.  It’s hard – harder then anyone wants to acknowledge.  I know I have 2 healthy children and I feel so blessed and thankful but it still breaks my heart each month when we find out we won’t be getting the opportunity to add another child to our lives.  Do I have the emotional strength to dive into adoption?   When will I decide no more.  I feel closer each month, it just sucks not to be able to choose, to have something else decide how big your family will be.  Even if we get pregnant this month thats 4 years difference for Teller and any new little one and getting closer to 5 years all the time.  Keeping me out of the work force longer and making me stressed out b/c trying is stressful.  No I’m not having fun.

We live in Colorado now.   My surgery in April went as great as we could all wish, no more crazy random mass in my chest compressing my windpipe and connected to my left lung.  I just have one question – can the bugger grow back.  The move was a ton of work and I gained 17 pounds because I just couldn’t be bothered to eat correctly or exercise.

We are still dealing with infertility and I go see my third RE on Friday.  I’m excited to have some hope again, to hear someone else’s opinion and I’m going to push for exploratory surgery.  I’ve looked into adoption – but what a roller coaster.  I wonder if we would do shared risk IVF.  You pay the same amount (about $16,000) for 3 tries and if one of them doesn’t result in a live birth then you receive about 75% of your money back.  On the flip side if the the first try works you don’t get any money back – but really the amount is about the cost of one try at most clinics.

Teller was using the phrase “I’m super duper uper duper super duper duper uper super *fill in the blank* hungry, tired, etc.  for a few weeks and it was very cute.  Both boys took swim lessons this summer, Corbin loved it and I had to bribe Teller to get in.

We traveled back to St. Louis to visit.  The boys and I drove on our own – straight each way 12 -14 hours.  They are fantastic car riders.  We only watched two movies on the way out and one on the way back.  We listened to books on CD, colored, and talked.  Our visit seemed too brief but I think we will be back soon.  It’s finally just now sinking in that we don’t live there anymore.  The two places are so different and are experiences in both are so different.  I look at pictures from the last few months in St. Louis and are life seems so rich in pictures – full of family and friends that we’ve shared close bonds with.  Then there is Colorado – which is so new and lacks family.  Perhaps there are friends to be made but right now it seems like we won’t be able to develop friendships like before.  I miss the history we were building in St. Louis – friends from preschool in kindergarten and the neighborhood.  I’m not saying I don’t like it here – I just realize what we are losing by trying this out.

I was on the phone today with the doctor office and Corbin really wanted my attention and I couldn’t give it to him at the moment so he kept saying “mom, you are not being polite, mom you are not being polite to me”.  We have a lot to learn about phone manners but I think I’m also on the phone longer then I should be.

I want to make a goal to spend some great one-on-one time with Teller while Corbin is at school and not spend all that time getting things done (cleaning, errands, bills).

Teller has made it a frequent habit to fall asleep at meal times.  As soon as his belly is full he just passes out sitting up or laying down at the table.  Silly guy.  We have so many pics of him asleep in weird places/positions.  We are trying to let him give up his nap.  It seems he needs it but not everyday maybe every other but that is hard to accomodate.  He is going to attend an afternoon preschool so I hope he does okay with the hours.

My two little guys are both going to be in school    I didn’t feel particularly emotional about Corbin going to Kindergarten b/c the hours are even less then his preschool last year but as I was leaving the class I saw a mother on her knees, she had just hugged her little one and her kindergartener was walking away from her she was tearing up, red rimmed, trying to smile but losing her battle.  Oh – the tears and emotions sprang forth – I didn’t even thing I had any weepy emotions in me.  Seeing her love and loss made me feel it.  This invisible connection we have to other mothers’ love.

(Originally posted Feb 25th, 2007. On corbin’s very own blog that has since been taken down. We wanted to keep this post though)

I like gavin because he has a superman and batman outfit and we can play it. And a lot of capes so we can play wonderpets. Wonderpets make a fly-boat and put on capes.

I’m three. I’m pretending to be Julie. Julie is a human. She is a girl from the Rescue heroes. Julie lives with Josh. And she lives with here parents.

Billy is a rescue hero. And Rocky Canyon is a rescue hero.

I’m at the coffee shop. Sometimes me and daddy go downtown. We find the ice cream store.

I’m watching birds. And I’m watching cars. I’m gonna drive a race car.

I’m eating a muffin. I’m cold and am putting my coat back on. I’m eating with my daddy.

Tables are outside so people can eat. People can eat inside or outside.

One day daddy is gonna come to my school. The teacher will tell us what we will do. Sometimes I fly kites with daddy. It was a dragon kite. Do dinosaur’s have wings? Yeah, some. Some dinosaurs have wings (are you typing that)? It flys like birds and we hold the string. Daddy got it stuck in a tree. Sometimes me and Laura play kid and poppa and mommy daddy.

And there’s a tall building [outside the window]. And windows and doors. We went sledding. On the hill. And we went down 2 hills and daddy headed straight for the pond. if we went in the pond that would be bad. you could die. because its so cold. [if i fell in] i wsould swim to the other island. i’m a fast swimmer. I learned and learned when i was a baby. and i went underwater when i was a baby because i sink becaues i was so little. and we play elmo. i jumped off tiffany’s mom’s diving board. i thought i could do it again. wone day could we go over to her house and i could do a big splash. and POP out of the water. sharptooth didn’t pop out of the water. we do spnges. little spnges we put them in the water one by each my teacher can do big splashes with his feet. and i can but we cant bring shoes we cant bring clothes in the water right? we gotta pu them in the locker. i stand oon my head when they tell me to. sometimes i stand on my head in water. a dad teaches little boy how to sastnd on his head in the water and a great manitee shark came by and looked at himunder water. they yelled shark. and they rand out of the water. it was on curious george. we watched it on a movie. [makes face]. when you get angry i will tell you ‘road rage’ because to stop you get angry. i’ll tell it to laura.

i’m gonna play tee-ball [this spring] maybe laura can come with and play. she scould drive and drive and drive. can we walk to my tee ball. is it too far away. i want to walk. but we cant do it there [heman] weh have to go to my tee ball class where theres plates and bats we cant bring bats b/c theres already bats. do we need to bring bats. [how do you know when it is spring]. the weather. leaves will remind me. i’ll pick up a magic leaf and hold it all day and it will make spring all by itself.,. the leaf could make it. i first gotta come magic. put drops of water on it…themn milk…then some bread then it comes a magic leaf. no. then put some magic on it and it comes a magic leaf. that how you make a magic leaf. you ake lot of kind of weathers [with a magic leaf].

welcome to my website. i said welcome to my website.

I’m watching the boys and James and they are doing so good and being so sweet – trying to let me rest as much as possible. Right now I can hear the boys through the monitor and they are neogotiateing on the rules for a new made up scenario they are going to play and James is cleaning the kitchen. Corbin went on a school field trip to the zoo yesterday and had such a great time while Teller and Daddy went to the library. I love them so much I just want to feel better so I can participate again.

Okay, a little unconventional but in a pinch it might put out a small fire or perhaps lead to a very uncomfortable injury
The boys were playing a game today and in the game they were rescuers that were capturing a momma and daddy bear and taking them to the zoo. Poppy, asked where the baby cubs were. Corbin turned and replied nonchalantly, “they are growing inside the momma’s uterus.”

Later they were playing rescuers again in a back bedroom and called to Gigi to come up with a rescue scenario. James went back and told Corbin that Gigi had too much love and had to give it to somebody. Corbin asked, “did she really say that?” James said yes as he left the room.  In the hallway he heard Corbin say to Teller, “welllll…..we can’t fix that.”

I read a book to the boys called “A Beast in the Bathtub”, in it the little boy tells his parents he can’t take a bath b/c there is a beast in the bathtub. They tell him beast or no beast he needs to take a bath. So, the little boy makes do and squeezes into the bath with the beast, becoming friends with him. Halfway through, Teller looks at me very perplexed and asks, “But…where is his brother?” Teller has never taken a bath without his brother, bath time is playtime for Corbin and Teller and Teller was very concerned that this little boy’s brother was being left out. I told him I didn’t think this little boy had a brother, Teller looked at me with a somewhat sad/confused expression and said, “ohhhhh”, and then turned back to the story. By the way, they love the book – very cute.

We set off for trick-or-treating around 6pm. Our first stop was our next door neighbors, she asked Corbin if he had a joke or song. He volunteered that he did indeed have a song, put his bag down and started to sing:

Jack-o-lantern Jack-o-lantern

what a funny sight
sitting in the window looking

out at the night.

You use to be a pumpkin so small

growing strudy and big on your vine

Now you are a jack-o-lantern

Let your candle light shine bright.

He had hand movements and everything. He continued to sing this song at each house – as the line to the candy grew – he had quite an audience. Teller would even sit down on the steps with the home owners while listening to Corbin sing.

Teller would go up to each house holding a piece of candy saying “Look what I have, look what I have”, so excited about the candy he had already received. The next morning he grabbed his bucket and said, “let’s go, mom, let’s go trick-or-treating”. I had to inform him it is only once a year.

I thought they would last hours trick-or-treating but at about 45 minutes in, Corbin decided he was done and it was time to go home and hand out candy. When we arrived home we ate pumpkin pie with Gigi and Poppy and Papa. Pumpkin pie that Corbin and Teller had made earlier in the day with fresh pumpkins. It was delicious:

1 medium sugar pumpkin
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch single crust pie
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
4 eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup honey, warmed slightly
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

In large bowl, blend together 2 cups pumpkin puree, spices, and salt. Beat in eggs, honey, milk, and cream. Pour filling into pie shell.

Bake at 400 degrees F ( 205 degrees C) for 50 to 55 minutes, or until a knife inserted 1 inch from edge of pie comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.

As we were eating it, James told the boys it was Jack-o-lantern pie, Corbin looked horrified.

Teller: When I have a baby in my belly I’ll go to the doctor.

Corbin: You can’t have a baby grow in your belly, only girls can not boys.

Teller: I sad.

Corbin is very interested in the entire baby/birthing process and has informed me that if we have another baby in our family he wants to be there even if it’s in the middle of the night – he can stay awake, really he can. Or so he assures me.

Teller goes to a music class once a week and loves it. I hear him randomly singing some of his favorite songs “rocket ship rocket ship to the moon”. He also enjoys listening to music in the car and requests I turn up certain songs. The other day James said he heard Teller singing humpty dumpty. I hadn’t taught it to him, and neither had James and then I realized it was on one of our car CDs. I don’t pick up lyrics or even melodies of songs even if I listen to them countless times, so Teller did not get this from me. James on the other hand knows too much about music – who, what year, if it was a cover – sort of insane.

Corbin loves to go to extended day at his preschool. It is available every Monday and Wednesday but right now we only let him go once a month. He gets to pack his lunch and gets very excited about it. Today he had carrots, celery, 1 cold pancake, half a bean burrito, 1 chunk of chicken, and a cup of milk. After we pack the main lunch he closes his eyes and asks me to put a surprise in his lunch box. Today it was two chocolate candies.

We read a story we’ve read before, called “There’s a Nightmare in my Closet”. In the story the little boy uses his pop gun to shoot a nightmare (monster) now Corbin really wants to have a pop gun. He received one for his 3rd birthday but it broke. He told me when I get it he would like me to put it in his car seat and surprise him when he gets in the car from school.

Corbin has really large tonsils and they swell horribly when he gets sick. At our last visit the doctor mentioned he may have to get them removed at some point. For some reason James decided to mention this possible surgery to Corbin. He also mentioned that if he had to have surgery he would definitely get a pop gun. I’m now determined to get him one just because, but….Corbin of course had questions about surgery and then as we were buckling him in his car seat he said he didn’t want to have his testitcals removed-of course we cracked up and I’m sure it will spur greater use of the word testitcals but it was an honest and I have to say hilarious mistake. Later when we mentioned Teller would be getting a flu shot this next week Corbin happily told Teller, “If you get a shot you might get a pop gun”. Oh great. Actually if you get a flu shot you hopefully won’t get the flu.

Went to Red Lobster, Corbin declared without being briefed on the menu – “I would like fish and mashed potatoes”. Everytime the waitress came to the table without our food, Corbin heart broken would ask, “why didn’t she bring my fish?” The kid ate so much – all his fish (3 pieces) and over half of Teller’s. Teller saw and wanted my frozen margarita so we ordered him a chocolate banana shake and he was occupied for half the evening.